SupportAnger Life Coaching System
“Anybody can become angry-that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way-that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”-Aristotle
Let’s explore anger.
What is anger?
Anger is poorly defined even by organizations such as American Psychological Association:
Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong. (www.apa.org/topics/anger)
Notice this definition does not actually state what anger is, it only looks at the physical display that may come from it. Apparently if you cannot see the antagonism then there is no anger present. I guess they never heard of passive aggresiveness.
In the absence of a strong defintion, it should be safe to note that everyone has experienced anger at least at some point in their life.
Love seems to be be more definable than anger. We even allow for different types of love..brotherly, sexual, platonic. Since we can’t define it anger in the same way, it becomes difficult to create subtypes of anger the way we do for love.
Not only is anger not well defined but it is less acceptable to display or encourage than various forms of love. Oftentimes, the anger is accompanied by guilt. There is guilt because of anger, guilt for allowing oneself to get angry, and guilt towards the situation or person to whom their anger is directed. Women especially are told they won’t find a mate if anyone notices they have a temper.
Since we can’t or won’t define it and are told not to display it, society has labeled anger as bad. It’s such a common thing that I won’t bother quoting all the medical authors and gurus who claim it is a plague on this earth. But is it really? It is part of us as humans. This emotion survived all this time in our development in humans, it must have a purpose.
Many people strive to eliminate it. In Buddhism it is considered one of three main poisons. The other two being greed and ignorance. However, all emotional swings be it either anger or love can be positive catalysts for change in our lives by allowing us to see and feel a situation more clearly and intensely than ever before. This new perspective can allow for change to occur more readily both consciously and subconsciously. Peaks of emotion drive passion. Passion drives change.
We need anger occasionally just like we need any other emotion. We need to experience it fully or else we arrest our personal development.
The following are just a few links that show how anger can beneficial:
Anger can indeed be a good thing. It can give you a way to express negative feelings, for example, or motivate you to find solutions to problems.
But every emotion needs balance. Excessive anger can cause problems. Increased blood pressure and other physical changes associated with anger make it difficult to think straight and harm your physical and mental health.
What is the one of the leading causes of anger?
Anger or the desire to be angry oftentimes is the result of feeling misunderstood.
Experiencing the sensations that come from believing we are misunderstood can be devastating. Several situations can lead to this experience.
Failure in communication.
- You attempt to relay a message but the gist of what you said does not seem to be conveyed as you don’t receive the expected response. Instead the intended recipient gets bogged down in the details of your words instead of its core message. The message in essence is lost. You end up feeling more misunderstood than you did before you gave your message.
Lack of communication
2. Another reason for being misunderstood is from not communicating at all. Sometimes, you want to disagree without being disagreeable. However by doing this you feel like you were unable to convey your true thoughts on the issue because in choosing to not offend you had to sacrifice some of the message you wanted to flesh out.
The failure in communication or lack of communication can result in anger. The resultant anger is often misdirected towards another person or worse internalized.
Anger that is either channeled against an improper target or internalized leads to poor outcomes. Some outcomes include headaches, anxiety, and fragmented relationships.
In the US, societal norms do tend to allow men to have outbursts of anger in public or at work to a greater degree than women are allowed. Women end up being thought of as bitchy or inappropriate if they convey their anger in similar fashion. Some women feel it makes them less attractive as a mate than a more demure persona.
The key to mitigating anger and harnessing its power is to understand that if used properly you will have more resources to deal with the issues affecting you then you may have realized initially.
This coaching method works in many ways:
Identify destructive relationships and patterns that lead to feedback loops in anger.
Learn to ride emotional peaks
Identify passive aggressive patterns that reflect underlying anger
Learn to communicate the depth of your message with passion without downgrading the message
Identify your true source of anger
Identify your true goals in life
Provide new avenues for anger expression